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5 AM

moon above and streets below

l
i
n
k
s
this hand will always be here for you to hold

no matter where they find us
we’ll always run away
and if they catch us
and if they catch us —
we’ll slip poison in their blood
we’ll take their keys
and lock them up
we’ll always run away



I’d be happy to kiss
your sad eyes
if it meant you’d be happy
and I’ll never feel
anything again
if you’d stop waiting
for her



I’ll choose
to breathe this air
again
and
again
because I feel I am
moving with the earth
and everything is
spinning with me
and the dust in my lungs
is the same on my teeth



there is a train
can’t you hear it?
the railroad curves to
where you stand
and you whistle
along with the toot-toot

look at the sky
isn’t it absolutely lovely?
your favourite shade of grey
oh but wait
don’t forget
about the train

you stare at the black engine
knowing what happens
when you jump off
the train tracks

but not

if you don’t.

you’re rumbling
shaking
earthquaking
is it you?
or the railroad?

you are lonely
but the train
makes you feel

important



puppies claw at her eyes —
she imagines them as saws instead of paws
little children, she says
you don’t hurt others
she scolds sternly
when they grow bigger than she
they start pushing her down
instead of clawing —
she imagines them as boulders
wonders if they speak her language



do not look at me
I have no scars
but I have no stories
I occupy every corner
my body fuses with the wall
pay no mind to me
loneliness is my best friend



he took me and left
took me and left

i gave him the option

me
or
her

he took me and left

no, not the me
i wrestle with at night
not the me
i find huddled in the corner

he took the me
that coquettishly flutters at him
and he left me
as he ran after her



she sees knobby hands
atop knobby knees
milk jugs fall over her tears



i could conceal you
in a rabbit hole
forget about you
when you do not peep
you, you, you



here hold this string
here i will tug on it a little —
make sure not to drop it

here grasp it in your hands
i will not let go either you see?
we will always have a connection

no no here go this way
you do not have control of where we go —
follow me and i will lead you on

why are there threads?
no matter just hang on
it is good for you do not worry

oh no what have you done?
scissors make you weak dear
you were weak enough to cut us

you are not better without me
now you are alone can you not see?
it is all your fault



you tell me you feel like
      those pigs hung up
                  in those chinatown stores

and over the noise
      of the coughing vacuum
                   i find you like a pig in the closet



the shades that break
fail to keep the room dark
keeps
me
awake

buttoned up vests
threads dangling
where the buttons should
have been and i
plop
each
one
out
to mark each

hour

that

passes

by

slowly.

until the sky goes
away finally
and i am left
with buttons in one hand
and in the other
threads for the shades



five years old again
when things did not go right
crying is the
best option



sometimes i smile
when they don’t acknowledge me
sometimes i will cry

sometimes yellow snow falls
i am not cold anymore
when i walk to school

sometimes i won’t talk
they’ll laugh and snicker at me
i will laugh with them



he looks at me
becomes static

he is the buzz
I hear in my ears

the noise
only the young
can hear.